The Syed's Xtreme Shenanigans

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

The Mummy Daddy Phenomenon

Hey Allllllllllllll

It took me lot of time to think of this topic. I was going through a major major writer's block. Every time I thought of a topic then I couldn't think of the material. Many of my friends gave me some awesome topics but I was just blank on them. I even thought of stereotyping girls but that is just tooooooooooooo vast a topic. I can write a book on that instead of a blog. I thought of telling people the top 10 worst movies but waited for some more time. Then just right now I was randomly talking to my friend and he gave me this amazing idea and helped me by giving me the ideas. So here it goes

Now before I start I would like to tell that the research to this topic was basically very very disturbing and depressing and I came to the brink of suicide. I sat lonely in a dark corner listening to Slipknot to bring myself back to life. So I put my life on the line to bring this truth to you people.

The mummy daddy phenomenon basically are the boys/girls who are just tooo soft in this rough world. They are mostly found in modern areas of cities but if I mention them all over the world this topic will become as large. I will restrict myself to the Pakistani mummy daddy people. The majority of them is found in either Islamabad or the very posh areas of Lahore or Karachi. Let me tell you some of their traits

1. WEIRD WRITING

"Yo, I went to dis concerrttt and it was soooo kEWWllll , atif aslam is a rawk star"

Now when you see "kEwL" or "RaWk" then should know that's the type. No normal or even for that matter abnormal person would write scripts like these. Its only the mummy daddy type who can write these kinds of scripts. These scripts can give normal people nightmares if exposed for a long time. True story

Some more examples of the horror script

They even have their own magazines the people featuring in these magazines are their likes, more on that later :P :P

2. SOFTY

"OH MY GOD ITS SOOOO HOT OUT THERE"

When somebody says that in March or April then you have an ultimate mummy daddy before you. They are very soft in speaking, soft in action, soft in eating and soft in strength. All these softness combined and you get a mummy daddy. Roaming around with a "mineral" water bottle in hand to prevent oneself from dehydration in January is one of their trademark moves. Other include

Fake British accent
Avoiding anything oily in food
Diet conscious even if Lahori
Not playing too much sports in sun because of loosing their complexion

& much much more.

3. GIRL OR BOY

For this type you just never know. I mean you could see a boy and call him a dude and get slapped because it turns out he was a girl and see a girl and call her baby doll and get slapped again because she was a boy and the conversion is more female-ish. Meaning both genders resembles girls like in the following pictures it will take at least 10 minutes to differentiate between the guy and the girl if there is any to be honest I can't find any.

Girly hand movements to girly likes (coming ahead, keep waiting) to girly hairstyles for the boys and boys boldness, boys clothes and boys hairstyles for the girls. Some people call them emo but emo is just a stereotype for the bigger picture that is Mummy Daddy. Confusing?? I know I was too. More can be

Tweeting or updating status about watching stars to impress girls
Acting girly to impress girls
Acting boy-ish to impress boys
Tweeting or updating status about the feeling of falling in love
Liking pages like "awwwwwwww I love you" being a boy (supposed)

4. THEIR SPECIAL LIKES

Now ladies and gentlemen please hold onto your seats because today I will reveal to you one of the biggest mysteries of all times and it is

DUN
DUN
DUN

The Mummy Daddy are the community which like Justin Beiber

*gulps*

*screams*

Yes yes people I know, these are exactly the ones who would go

"ohhhhhhhh JUSTIN BEIBERRRRRRRR" at any of his extremely vulgar songs like baby baby ooohh :P

The likes just not end there, they also like Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga, Sahir Lodhi, Shaista Wahidi and many many more.

I am shivering right now, GROSS PEOPLE

See?? MUMMY DADDY *shivers*

5. WEIRD STYLES & PHOTO TECHNIQUES

NUFF SAID

6. NICK NAMES

Another disturbing trait is their nick naming. They just do it in a very weird way like either writing in script or putting words like prince or princess or cute in their facebook ids. Some can still pull it on twitter but COME ON on facebook just put your own name. Some examples are below

I think I have made my point

7. PROFESSION

These types can land only few kinds of professions because they can't handle any thing tough because of them being tooooo softy

Fashion designers
Models
Actors & Actresses
Not Rock Stars but Rawk stars
Pop singers
TV hosts
Cheerleaders

See what I meant

Ending with some pictures

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X Y'All

Monday, August 15, 2011

Revolution (Inquilaab) --> The Misconceptions

Heyyyy Alllllllllll

Today its a serious topic and without any shout outs will go straight to the topic

Another 14th August came by and went away. Boys took out their bikes, removed the silencers and went out on one wheeling adventures, girls made green dresses and wore them, kids had their faces painted and were holding flags, houses were decorated, we sang songs about Pakistan, said "I LOVE YOU PAKISTAN" over and over again, youth changed their display pictures on Facebook and Twitter with Pakistani flags or patriotic pictures and there was no Punjabi, Sindhi, Pathan and Balochi and all I heard about that we are a nation and we will "REVOLUTIONIZE" Pakistan.

Then I woke up the very next day and turned the television on and then I saw Punjabi, Sindhi, Siraiki, Urdu Speaking, Muhajir, Pathan, Balochi & Agency people. All that love gone? Within like eight hours of sleep? Are we Pakistanis for just one day among 365 days? People were wishing everyone Happy Independence Day

I ask are we really really Independent today?

With us being enslaved by America

With us being enslaved by corrupt leaders

With us being as a dead nation as it could be

With us being ordered by everyone

Are we really free? Independent? Are we still Pakistan?

All this talk aside most of the time among the rest of the 364 days what I hear is that Pakistan needs a Revolution, Inquilaab aayega tau kuch hoga (Revolution is the only chance) , Revolution this and Revolution that and this Revolution has become the most abused word in our media and in our day to day conversations. This youth will bring the revolution needed by Pakistan. In these theories the Media and the expertily stupid people talking about Revolution have created misunderstandings. Let me clear them one by one.

1. Revolution = Protest

The basic thing whenever people say is that Revolution is to protest. YES stand up for your rights and go out on streets BUT its not everything. Revolution is actually to bring a change within you and then try and spread that awareness among the people around you and bring the change and then when you are changed yourself then ONLY can you bring the change in the society not like the concept we have that we dislike something, we go out on the streets, break our own stuff, come back home and sleep. This is not revolution and to be honest its not a protest either.

2. Its A One Day/One Week Thing

This is basically the biggest misconception among our people that we will protest today and maybe for two more day and after that Zardari will resign from government, all prices will come down the next day, load shedding will end, Zardari will get himself arrested and he and all corrupt leaders will be taken to court, a new leader will rise and he will tell america to mind their own business and everything will be okay??

THAT IS NOT HOW IT GOES

It was in 1930 when Allama Iqbal gave the idea of Pakistan and after 17 years of hard work and sacrifices did our forefathers achieve this land that we call Pakistan. During those times people gave whatever they could for Pakistan. Today all we want is that if we can make a big enough protest today then tomorrow everything will be alright once again.

3. Revolution Ends After Freedom/Object Completion

This is also a misconception where people think that once the objective of the revolution is achieved all we did can be brought back again. NO. The real revolution starts after the objective is complete because remember as I said before Revolution is the name of bringing a change in one self and if the objective has completed then its because you changed and if you let it go for one day then things will start going back to where they were. This is exactly what happened to Pakistan, our forefathers kept themselves revolutionized but what they forgot to do was to transfer their love for Pakistan to their children (some of them did) and so on and as they first generation of Pakistan slowly died the true love for Pakistan died with them and then started the long destabilization of Pakistan which according to me has reached its peak today.

4. Revolution is peaceful

"Sarfaroshi Ki Tamanna Abb Hamaray Dil Main Hai, Dekhna Hai Zor Kitna Bazooay Qaatil Main Hai"

Translation --> The will of sacrifice is in our hearts now, lets see how much power does the murderer has

As I said revolution is not a protest so protest can be peaceful but revolution is NOT. It can start with protest but it has to go on to huge measures where people would have to lay down their lives so that the future can have a better life. For us the best example is our very own independence, just one incident is enough to quote here that it was the time of Namaaz. One person stood up to give Azaan and just as he had said "ALLAH-O-AKBAR" he was shot down by the British army. This did not stop the others and one more stood up in the martyr's place and continued the Azaan, he too was shot down. This continued till the Azaan was completed. THIS IS WHAT IS NEEDED

People would get themselves arrested for no reason at all so they could spread the protests inside Jails as well. Freedom fighters would dance on the news of them getting hanged. This is revolution when you bring such a change in yourself that NOTHING matters to you except your objective. If not take an example from past then take an example from Egypt's youth. They stood up against the tyrant and it took time but now things are turning their way. They didn't protest just one day, they stood for their rights. People died, got injured but that did not stop them. I salute all the Egypt youth for that step :) . Look at what is happening in Bahrain, the bahraini government is making crackdowns at people's home and killing them, capturing them, torturing them and even denying them of their basic rights to get treated in a hospital but they are not backing down and even in police stations amongst the torture they just want freedom of their nation from the tyrant read more here http://sohaibx.blogspot.com/2011/07/bahrain-real-story.html. THIS IS REVOLUTION

5. This Youth will bring a revolution

Really? Are you serious? This youth?? Who

Does drugs
Drinks alcohol
Can remember long and lengthy Eminem songs but can't remember their own national anthem
Keeps girlfriends & boyfriends
Would lie to their parents for a girl/boy who they know for merely months
Hate studying the history of Pakistan
Would leave Pakistan for a foreign country the instant they get the chance
Go around asking all the time "What has Pakistan given us?"
Who are not even loyal to their own parents
Who can listen to revolution songs but cannot think of going out one day in afternoon and get themselves arrested so they can spread the word in prison
Who would rather tweet about loving Pakistan than actually showing it
On 14th august they go out on bikes like its obligatory

I am a part of this youth and I am as much as a culprit as the others

Singing songs is easy, doing it is the real part. The Bahrain and Egypt youth are the ones who took the step, this youth is just humiliation. Just look at the below video and after that I will have no need to give any further argument regarding this issue. THIS YOUTH WILL BRING A REVOLUTION?? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *spits*

WE NEED TO CHANGE OURSELVES TO CHANGE THE NATION

A NATION GETS THE LEADERS WHICH THEY ARE THEMSELVES

SO JUST THINK THAT WE ALL ARE ZARDARIS

AND THE ACTUAL PIECE ASIF ALI ZARDARI IS ALL OF US COMBINED INTO ONE

WE ARE THE REASON HE IS UP THERE

SO STOP BLAMING HIM AND CORRECT YOURSELF

STOP WASTING TIME ON CRITICIZING THE GOVERNMENT AND BRING A CHANGE IN YOURSELF

THE FEELING WILL BE AMAZING

I GUARANTEE YOU, YOU WILL BE FREEEEEEEE

THATS ALL FOR THIS TIME

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X Y'ALL

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

10 History Moments I Would Like To Change

Hey Allllllll

I am back, my last blog turned out to be a success and thank you all for making July one of the most amazing months for me as a blogger as it turns out in just July I hit the 7,394 views mark and now an over all blog views of 21,509. I never thought that I would achieve this success when I started this blog but thank you to all. I would like all of you to don't Forget To Like The Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/SyedsXtremeShenanigans / for my blogs and please keep me posted with your suggestions and comments. Please Like it :)

Now to the topic, now there are always some moments in history that you want would go a little differently and then things would be different today. Following are the moments I want to change.

1. May 1941

Now I would like to go to Germany this date and stop Hitler from making the biggest mistake of his life by attacking the Soviet Union instead I will tell him to concentrate on the Jews through his holocaust. With him I will make sure he attacks every Jewish city and country and kill them all as I will become the leader and will control Hitler by my futuristic gadgets like a PSP and Laptop and once he is done I will kill him by my own hands :P

What this will do?

1. Kill Jews and free Palestine

2. Free Lebanon from a war

3. Stop 9/11 because it was all a Jewish propaganda against the Muslims as there wasn't a single Jew in WTC that day.

4. I would finally know the true story on how Hitler died :P

5. I have one more use that will be very very helpful for Pakistan (described later)

2. May 31st 1947

Now we all know about the Love triangle of Lady Mountbatten, Lord Mountbatten and the Jawahar Laal Nehru. Some people say that the love triangle was like this and it should be like this (the arrow and the direction meaning interested in)

Nehru --> Lady Mountbatten <-- Lord Mountbatten

but some historians also state including some quotes by Lady Mountbatten herself (which I can't

quote here) that the love triangle was actually like this

Lady Mountbatten --> Nehru <-- Lord Mountbatten

Which ever is true :P what I would like to do is go back to Pre Partition India on 31st May 1947 just before Mountbatten completed his 3rd June plan of finalizing the maps for both countries I would go and make sure that there is a huge fight between Nehru, Lady Mountbatten and Mountbatten himself something like a breakup which will ultimately make Lord Mountbatten so hurt and angry that instead of helping India he will give all the Muslim majority states to Pakistan and we won't have to go through majority of the economic problems we went through and East Pakistan would still be our lovely part :)

3. March 2 1994

Alright things are going to get ugly from here :P . March 2 1994 is the next date I will travel back in time to London, Ontario one day after the day of the birth of this child. The child mentioned above, I am refraining from using any gender because I don't want another big debate about it :P. I will reach there and make sure that when this baby is in its room and the baby's mother or father is not around I will grab the baby and quickly travel back to my time machine and go to Dubai on 4th July 2010 which is the date of the inauguration of the world's tallest building, Burj Khalifa. There I will tie this baby on the string of one of the fire works of the opening ceremony and then just let it flow........... Muwahahahahahahahahahahahaha

4. 1st August 2010

Now this is a very important, I will go to England on 1st August 2010 and meet Amir and show him the future that lies in front of him if he balls that extremely huge no ball (by purpose or accident) and make sure that he does not do this so that his career is saved which will totally effect Pakistan's cricket in future and will also change the Cricket World Cup 2011 which we lost because we were an Amir short.

5. 1st October 2006

This is very important for this person's career, I will go to London England on this date and warn him and make sure that he DOES NOT sign an eight year contract with Arsenal instead a 4-5 year contract would be enough so that way it would not turn in one of the most craziest transfer sagas ever with Barcelona players attracting Cesc to his home and Wenger trying to keep him away from Barcelona and in the end Cesc deciding to pay 5M on the transfer fee from himself because Barcelona is short of money :P . It will do all Cesc, Barcelona and Arsenal all good :P

6. October 1st 1492

Alright I may have stopped the 9/11 from ever happening by saving Hitler and doing all the work but America still will be their and am not taking any risk. Am going back to October 1st 1942 about 10 ten days before Christopher Columbus discovered the land that turned out to be America. I will scare him off by using my guns I would've borrowed from the Hitler time and make him run in the opposite direction and make him go home. I know somebody else will discover it but it won't be the same America :P

7. 2nd June 2003

Alright Stephenie Meyer said that she got the idea of Twilight in a dream she saw on the night of 2nd June 2003. So am gonna be at her place in that night and when she is sound asleep I will scare her so bad that she won't sleep again that night. I will keep repeating this for the next week just to make sure and since she will go mad after not sleeping for a week my work will be done and I will have saved the world from the curse that is here by the name of "Edward Cullen"

8. 2nd January 2008

I want to do this just to save this man from dying after completing his most LEGENDARY role as the "Joker" in the "Dark Knight" and making that film an absolute major hit so he can get his Oscar himself and also that he can come in the Batman series third movie. AMAZING AMAZING Actor and he was LEGEN - wait for it - DARY ..... LEGENDARY

9. May 24 2010

I just want to go to this date and hours before Paul Grey's death I would kidnap him and preserve his body. Everybody would be thinking that this person won't preserve Quaid-e-Azam's body but he would preserve Paul Grey's body?? Its because Quaid was a leader and if he would disappear people would say that he coward out on his new state and he couldn't handle the pressure of Pakistan which is wrong. Quaid-e-Azam had to die to forever live in our hearts but this man will just disappear and will never be seen again. People would also say why not preserve Isaac Newton or Einstein well for them I would never preserve them because they ruined life as it is. Soooooo many laws and soooo many equations.

PAUL GREY ........ LEGEND \m/

10. 28th July 1955

Alright now I have saved the best one for LAST. Yes people you guessed it by the pictures.........IT IS HIM. He was born on 26th July 1955 but I will go on 28th July 1955 and grab this baby and using my time machine I would go to Hitler's time once again and give this baby to the torture chambers where they would peel his skin, burn him and kill him. Muwahahahahahahahahahahaha

What this would do??

1. Zardari dies --> Isn't this ENOUGH??

2. Ejaz Butt doesn't get power of PCB --> Pakistan cricket saved

3. Rehman Malik never becomes an important person

4. Benazir is still alive and with a better husband

5. Benazir's family is still alive

6. Babar Awan and all Zardari partners never get into action

7. Karachi is safe from the Zulfiqar Mirza's stupid comments

8. Pakistan doesn't go to this level of worse conditions --> Pakistan is saved

9. No more making new provinces

10. No U.S.A , No Terrorists , No Zardari --> JUST IMAGINE :)

That Is It For This Time

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Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Football Fans : The Stereotypes

Heyyyyyyy Alllllllllll

First things first , Ramazan Mubarak to all of my muslim readers :) may ALLAH shower blessings upon you and your family in this Holy Month.

Now onto the topic, first of all why am I writing this blog. I would've never written this blog to be honest if Barcelona hadn't lost in a friendly to Manchester United. I agree that Manchester United was the better team that day without giving any excuses and Manchester United fans were trying to prove that they are better than Barcelona by beating Barcelona in a friendly without Xavi, Messi, Alves, Puyol, Pique or Mascherano and comparing that to the Champions League Final?? I Mean seriously?? So I decided to describe some fans of some teams and some other types. Now if somebody fights with me after this than he/she knows it that this is the truth and he/she can't handle it.

1. Barcelona Fans

I am talking about the real Barcelona fans the other types come in later. The real Barcelona fans who are not supporting Barca only in CL finals but are also there for Barcelona during the Copa Del Ray losses. Who were there for Barcelona when there were no trophies to boast about. These Barcelona fans are very few, very few indeed. Barcelona & Europe maybe filled with real Barcelona fans but in Asian or African countries like Pakistan, India, China, Egypt and others they are very few. A true Cule will always support his team in thick and thin and most important for a true Cule is the element of respect. A true Cule can be recognized by being the bigger person and accepting the loss without giving excuses and giving respect to the other team which it deserves. Some examples can be the standing ovation Barcelona fans gave to their biggest rivals Madrid or the respect they gave to Van Der Saar after his final match in CL even after winning BUT there is a downside as well because once you are a Cule every other team just looks boring to you. A Cule will NEVER accept the other team is better until unless that team beats Barcelona in a fair match. A real Cule will always have the following traits

1. He/She would consider diving as wrong (May it be one of our own player)

2. He/She would not consider Messi being greater than Barcelona

3. He/She would not forget Johan Cruyff and his services at Barcelona at any point

4. He/She would be a Real Madrid hater without taking respect from some Madrid legends

2. Real Madrid Fans

Again talking about the REAL Madrid fans, to be honest these are some great fans although being fans of my rival team, the REAL madridstas are sportsmen and have the spirit. They hate diving and even boo their own players if they dive and that is why I LOVE when Madrid fans boo Ronaldo when he dives. So as to much that he now mostly dives in away matches :P . Madrid has wayyyyyyyyy more fans in Spain than Barcelona as they are the nationalists. I have nothing but respect for the REAL Real madrid fans, one is even a very good friend of mine. (Other type coming later)

3. Manchester United Fans

Oh Yes lets finally get down to business, now Manchester united has A LOT of fans throughout the world. By A LOT I mean A LOT. When I had to chose a football club then all I heard were Real Madrid and Manchester United fans. Now there are two types of Manchester United fans

A) Manchester United Fans

These are the REAL fans and they are annoying. Manchester united is a great team without a doubt and play good football and I have nothing but respect for Sir Alex Ferguson, Van Der Saar, Scholes & Giggs but these fans are not the greatest. They don't know ANYTHING except that we are right. Manchester United is never wrong according to them even if they loose humiliatingly to a team they will NEVER accept that other team was better and they can make A LOT of excuses. This just comes natural to them and they can fight with you hours without giving sane arguments and never accept that they are wrong. They are a major pain

B) Man U Fans

Now for this part read the upper part and multiply it with 10. These fans are 10 times annoying, 10 times stupid and 10 times fake. These are not real fans and are just following the line "glory glory Man United". I met some Man U fans who didn't even knew that Neville used to be the captain of United, they all said Rio Ferdinand was the captain *head desks* They have no knowledge what so ever and they can give some pretty stupid arguments and sometimes even go against there own team player's views

4. Arsenal Fans

These are the poor needy people of the fan world of club football. They are frustrated, they are desperate and they are hungry BUT if you ask someone in 2009-2010-2011 that which club's fan are you? and he/she replies Arsenal then rest assured that he/she is a true football fan. They have not betrayed their club for whatever times they are going through and always follow this club no matter what and according to me Arsenal is one of those very few very good teams which don't have A LOT of fake fans. I always don't get along with Arsenal fans but the truth has to be accepted and they are football lovers BUT they are also frustrated and poor and they really really need to win a trophy sometimes I think they are like the Amy Winehouse of football fans, frustrated, drunk and needs love but lets hope it doesnt end the same way and they learn something from amy's incident but I have one request to all Arsenal fans

5. Liverpool Fans

The best fans award goes to the Liverpool fans. They have seen the heights with Liverpool and they have seen the low with Liverpool and they will NEVER betray this club what so ever. "You will never walk alone" is their way of expressing love for their club and they always follow it. Liverpool might not be the best team at the moment but according to me they have the best fans atm. Sportsman spirit is complete in them, they accept their defeat like men and they love football. Perfect

6. Glory Hunters

2002 - 2006 --> Real Madrid

2006 - 2009 --> Manchester United

2009 - 2011 --> Barcelona

These are the times when the respective teams earned huge success and had all star players now this is the time when Glory hunters come in which are always there to become a fan of the team which is having the best seasons and winning trophies so all they have to do is support a team through its thick and leave that team once its reaches its thin. These days its Barcelona, everywhere you go Barcelona shirts and all and they don't know a thing about Barcelona, when the match will take place, when and how they won in the season. They know that they won :P and thats all that matters to them. Pakistan and India are filled with these glory hunters and they also play a huge part in giving the other football fans a bad name. These people can rant all day stupid and a lot of other stuff.

7. Individual Fans

You are not a madrista

Now this is very important, remember if you love Lionel Messi it is NOT necessary that it makes you a Barcelona fan as well. You will just remain a messi fan , If you changed your club from Manchester United to Real madrid because Cristiano Ronaldo changed his club then neither you were a manchester united fan and nor have you become a madrid fan now, you will always just be a Shittiano Ro-Naa-Laado fan. Great players always have these and these people try and link themselves with the club as well. Sorry people you are neither Culeans, Gunners, Madristas, Red Devil or anything. You are just that player's fan. Majority footballers in Pakistan fall in either this or the above category and they give a bad name to the Real fans of that team.

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Sunday, July 17, 2011

Pakistani Media : Destroying Pakistan

Heyyyyyyyyy Alllllllllll

I sincerely apologize for my last blog :P It was one of my worst pieces ever but I was sick and when you are sick you can turn some very good ideas into stupid ones :P

Well this time am gonna take it out on the media, I have been trying to control myself on this issue for a long long time but now enough is enough.

Now let me begin and tell their bad points one by one

1. PRO - INDIAN

GEO , Express, Dunya and others might be Pakistani news/entertainment channels but all we get to hear in the news is about Indian film industry. Yes we might not have a film industry of our own but that DOES NOT mean in any case that we start behaving like their slaves. I mean if Emraan Hashmi just reached Pune for the promotion of his next film what does that have to do with us? WHY in the hell is that news in our head lines?? GOD FORBID Is Emraan Hashmi our next President? Or GOD FORBID Is he the solution to our problems? NO, then why the hell does his film promotion get into our HEADLINES? Our news channels have made a mockery out of the importance of headlines and for one thing I don't understand the connection between GEO and Salman Khan's film "Dabanng". Its like GEO's father has invested money in that movie otherwise there is absolutely no reason for GEO to promote that movie that much. EVERY bloody time all I hear on GEO

1. Dabanng 2 shooting will start then
2. Dabanng claims awards here
3. Dabanng claims awards there
4. Munni ki badnaami chal gayi
5. Dabanng this
6. Dabanng that
7. Munni this
8. Sheila that

& if these stupid meaningless news weren't enough for the most stupidest movie ever than they actually played that movie for FATHER's day. FOR GOD's sake GEO people get a life. A movie that has an item song called "Munni Badnaam huwi" was played for Father's day. What a gift for all the father's aint it? Talking about vulgar songs GEO and other channels will not leave a single , repeating not even a single opppurtunity to show a glimpse of the video of Sheila ki Jawani or Munni badnaam. These videos are absolutely explicit and vulgar and while Pakistani media should be the one to completely ban these videos in Pakistan because of our culture and religion but it is the Pakistani media which is promoting it the most. Any mention of Katrina, Farah Khan, Malaika or the movies and they will surely show the videos of these songs. Is this Pakistani?

All we get to watch on Pakistani channels now are Indian films, Indian awards ceremonies, Indian dramas and Indian showbiz news. Every anchor and showbiz person is sooo Pro Indian especially that female Sahir lodhi who thinks he is Pakistan's Shahrukh khan and many others like on Samaa TV comes a crazy lady called Mayaa Khan, she is aboslutely pro indian she actually not just liked and defended what Veena Malik did in India and said that she did not disgrace Pakistan but she also support that Mathira and supports her on doing the bold (in other words vulgar) show at VIBE TV and supports her on wearing short clothes. Well last time I checked this country was still called the "Islamic Republic of Pakistan" but I think our media has forgotten that.

SHAMEFUL
ABOSLUTELY SHAMEFUL

2. STUPID NEWS

If our headlines being filled with Indian showbiz news wasn't stupid enough , now our headlines contains videos from youtube. Yes am not joking, our HEADLINES contain funny/amazing videos that our news channels pick from youtube and then show it in details. Is this a joke? Are you people kidding me??

3. UNCERTAIN NEWS
Now if our news do contain some Pakistani news like for example a bomb blast just occured now the real fun starts, the news channels will start a race to see who gives out the news first hand to the people. If they win then they will brag about it for a week, now I ask is giving out the news of a bomb blast first is anything to brag about? Are you not humans that you become sad? No no no, our channels would better yet try and brag about them becoming the first to report the incident and in this race what they do is that they give out wrong information. One channel will be reporting different number of casualities which will be different for second channel and which will be different for third channel, just like take an example of recent Karachi killings while one channel said around 36 died one day, other was saying 40 died and other was saying some other number now these 4-5 number difference might not matter to us but have you people ever imagined how much this number matters to all those who are sitting at home waiting for any sort of news from their loved ones who are out there where the incident took place?? Do you know how they would feel when every casuality increases or decreases?? Ever thought you news people?? NO , you would better give it out first rather than giving out the truth after confirming at the very end.

Pakistani media was given freedom to give us the truth but our media has made it into a race and competition and don't care to give out the truth.

4. TALK SHOWS

Now I ask a question "What is the single , just one good point of conducting these talk shows?" Does it make politicians change their views?? Does it make them accept their mistakes?? Does it make them apologize to the public?? Does it make them to work for the public and finish their problems?? Does it in ANY WAY contribute to find solutions for the problems to a common man? ? The answer to all above questions is "NO".
Why do we watch talk shows? We watch talk shows to watch a good fight or two because all these talk shows do is talk about obvious problems and instead of finding solutions they successfully exceed those problems. The politicians come there, they fight over an obvious problem and don't look for a solution and the problem stands where it was. That is what talk shows do and then these fights are aired around the world now just imagine what kind of an image that leaves of Pakistan in the hearts of foreigners? Will this image be good for our Pakistani brothers and sisters living outside? Of course not BUT our news channels will not see that, they only care about their TV channel's viewership rather than helping Pakistan and they call themselves Pakistan lovers. All I have to say is "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH"

5. BIASED

YES , you heard me. All TV Channels, anchors & news casters are biased. They have already based in their minds who they have to blame, they don't care about Pakistan. They don't care about Pakistan and they certainly don't care about telling the truth. They only care about earning some money and they are biased. How? Remember the Rangers incident killing that boy in Karachi? Well one of our anchors was the brother of DG rangers and that "Pakistan loving" anchor didn't even conduct a single show regarding this event. Being biased has been linked with exposing government's corruption. Now I am in no wayyy supporting this government but these are two very different things. Nobody has a problem with exposing the government if it is corrupt but being biased has some other dimensions

1. They don't pay attention to the IDP situation in Balochistan
2. They give extraordinary more time to a phone call by a political party leader from london
3. They don't investigate into how a respected person like Hakeem Saeed was killed
4. They play a negative reel one night before the NA-55 elections against Sheikh Rasheed

These points and many more like

1. Morning shows
2. Being anti-Pakistan
3. Never showing all the news like Pakistani media never showed us the reality in Bahrain, how people are going from Pakistan to kill Bahraini people. To get more information on Bahrain issue read this " http://sohaibx.blogspot.com/2011/07/bahrain-real-story.html " MUST READ

Our media would rather show the video of Katrina Kaif dancing half naked than show muslims being killed by our very own Raymond Davis being sent to Bahrain.

I challenge any media personnel from the Taliban supporting Hamid Mir to the job changing Shahid Masood to the properly make up and properly dressed in very expensive clothes but very sad for the nation Mehar Bukhari. I challenge any media personnel to have a debate with me on live TV on this issue.

I agree that Media is one of the most strongest weapon and it can be used to bring revolution, an example can be the long march, without the help of the media it couldn't have been possible but our media would rather promote indian movies than a revolution

These people are not Pakistani , this media is not Pakistani. What they are , they are a shame & disgrace

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Till Next Time
X Y'All

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Lollywood : Behind The Scenes

Heyyyyy Alllllllll

Today am going to tell you guys a little story on my approximately 50 minutes of Lollywood career.

Shocked??

Yes people I have been to Lollywood and to tell you its a very very dark place. DARK INDEED

Everybody was talking about the decline in the cinema and all and people told me to write something for the cinema so I did. I Sohaib Mansoor was gonna take over the Cinema after taking out Shoaib Mansoor. Didn't looked nice to put a guy with the same name as my elder brother out of work but well all is fair in love & war.

So I wrote a patriotic story and got ready to make it all but I needed actors so to pick fresh new actors I launched an audition for new talent to come and prove their talent.

Now begins the darkest 50 minutes of my life and am stating much in dialogues

Me: Send in the first one

First person enters

Me (looking down at some papers) : So your name?

Contestant 1: Kkkkkkkkirrraaann

Me: Kiran you have such a manly voice

Contestant 1: Don ko pakarna mushkil hi nahin, naa mumkin hai

Me (Quickly turning my head from papers) : Shahrukh Khan? OMG Its such an honor

Contestant 1: Ahahahahahahahahahaha (Shahrukh Khan Style)

Me: I didn't knew I would have to end the auditions just after they started I mean.......

I was stopped by my assistant and he said to me

Assistant: Yeh China waala Shahrukh Khan hai

Me: Get Lost That's Sahir Lodhi Man

Contestant 1: Somebody said my name?

Me: So its not Shahrukh khan but his franchise in Pakistan?

Sahir: Ahahahahahahahahahaha (Shahrukh Khan Style)

Me: Stop it you are killing me, so what brings you here?

Sahir: Goooooooood morninggggg, how are you? am fine , so tell me please how are you? tell me tell me tell me, my phone lines are open , you can call or sms your answer to 111-111-103 and you can....

Me (Stopping him): Woah woah woah, Its a film audition not your FM show

Sahir: Somebody is feeling a little down so lets go towards our first track from Shahrukh Khan's movie this song never gets old for me, you want to know a little story?

Me: STOP IT & SHUT UP

Sahir stops and lowers head

Me: Love the silence , well you want to apply for which role?

Sahir keeps silent

Me: I think now would be a good time to speak

Sahir keeps silent

Me: For GOD's sake man speak already

Sahir starts crying

Sahir: Nobody has talked to me soo rudely in my entire life

Me: Welcome to the real world bob

Sahir: But you are soooooo mean

Me: Alright dude am sorry now calm down and tell me which role?

Sahir stops crying then

Sahir: O khayi key paan banaras waala, khul jaaye band aqal ka taala oh phir tau aisa karay kamaal

Me: GET OUT , GET OUT, GUARDS THROW THIS CHINA's SHAHRUKH KHAN OUT OF HERE

Guards throw him out

Me: Thank GOD thatx over

I took a five minute break and then said

Me: Send in the next one

Shaan enters

Shaan: OYYYEEEEEEEEE

Me: YES I CAN HEAR YOU

Shaan: I was just acting so how was it?

Me: Dude you know its a patriotic movie don't you?

Shaan: Tau kya iska naam Pakistani Gujjar nahin?

Me: For your disappointment it aint

Shaan: OYE TEY MAIN ISS FILM WICH KI ROLE KARAAN?

Me: Tum iss film main hogey hi nahin tau role kya karo gey? GET OUT

Shaan: OYEEE Main teriyan nasaan phan deyaan gaan

I take my gun out

Shaan: Bhai main tau mazaaq kar raha tha, abb bhai key saath mazaaq bhi naa karun? Main jaa raha hun

Me: Sheesh, NEXT

Contestant 2: May I andar aaun?

I raise my eyes and as I saw her enter I quickly brought my eyes down

Meera: Hello

Me: Hey, didn't thought I would you meet you here

Meera: Kya? Tum mujhay nahin maar saktay

Me: HUH? Main aisa kyun karun gaa

Meera: You said you would meet me here meaning tum mera gosht banao gey idher

Me: *head desks*

Me: It means mujhay nahin pata tha key tum idher mil jaao gi

Meera: Oh tau you naa english main told karna tha, I samajh english only

Me: Oh-kay, so what is your wish for this film?

Meera: Oh Gods abb main kya kya speakun? Woh kya ghaalib uncle said key "Thousands of desires aisi key each desires par breath out"

Me: What? Oh do you mean 'Hazaaron Khawahishain aisi key har khawahish par dam niklay?"

Meera: Yes yes, now you see how much english comes to me

Me: Ermmmm yea , I can see that

Meera: So when aaun for movie?

Me: Yeah about that, iss sey pehlay key main tumhain bataun kuch khaao gi?

Meera: Nahin main abhi curd khaa kar aayi hun

Me: Oh acha dahi?

Meera: Haan haan wohi dahin

Me: Its dahi

Meera: Haan naa dahin

Me: Aaaaaahhhh , dekho meera tumhain yeh role nahin milsakta

Meera: What? Why? How? Me? You? But? See? Free

Me: Woah woah, saari english aaj hi khatam karni hai, but please you cannot get this role. Thankyou

Meera: FINE me jaaying in meri centro

Me: Centro meaning? Darmiyaan main?

Meera: Meri gaari centro

Me: Its SANTRO

Meera: HUNHHHHH

Me: Good Riddance, please bring in someone sensible next

Contestant 3: May I come in?

A girl enters

Me: Sure why not

Me: So name?

Looking down at papers

Contestant 3: Veena Malik

I quickly get up take out my gun and lodge three bullets into her head

Me: clear the body and NEXT

Another girl enters

Contestant 4: Hello sir

I look up

Me: NO SAHIR , I Told you , you cannot get a role

Sahir: Pleaseeeee

Me: GUARDS

Sahir: See I can also play as the heroin

Me: Yeah that comes natural to you, your sister Shaista is more of a man than you

Shaista Enters

Shaista: Did somebody call my name?

Reema Enters behind her

Reema: Shaista line main lago, meray sey pehlay andar kaisay aagayi?

Meera enters again

Meera: How inko chance get and mujhay not?

Sahir starts dancing and singing "Sheela , Sheela ki jawaani"

Shaista, Meera & Reema start a cat fight

I was about to go mad when I heard a laugh, a laugh soooo horrifying that I couldn't even think that it was her, I had heard about this woman that just by looking at her you can become a walking Lindsay Lohan regardless that you are male or female. I ran from that place as hard as I could man. That was all that I could take of Lollywood. Those were my fifty minutes in Lollywood.

I am shivering after telling the story again

See I told you DARK , DARKNESS THROUGHOUT

Nd am ending with a picture of that "thing" that came in the end , BUT PLEASE VIEWERS , VIEW AT YOUR OWN RISK

SCARY MUCH??

ENDING WITH SOME PICTURES OF OUR CHAMPIONS OF LOLLYWOOD

That is all for this time

X Y'All

Monday, July 4, 2011

BAHRAIN - THE REAL STORY

Heyy Allllllllllllll

Yes I am back but this time not with anything funny but with an extremely serious topic. I heard from people about an uprising in Bahrain, I quickly searched the internet to find some very horrifying facts how Bahrain government was trying to suppress a totally peaceful protest. The methods reminded me of Al-Qaeda once again was it their return? Will Bahrain be the next Afghanistan? Read the below facts and then if you have the slightest of heart then retweet this on Twitter, share this on Facebook, tell to people to read it and spread the news as much as you can. Raise your voice against it.

First let me introduce to you what the situation in Bahrain is

Bahrain is a Shia majority country with a 75-80% population consisting of Shias. While Bahrain government claims that they follow democracy the real situation behind the scenes is that Shia which consist of 70-80% of the population have only 18 seats in the Parliament out of 40 while the Jews which are only 70-80 in number. JUST 70-80 people have their own seat in the parliament BUT those who consist of 70-80% of the population have just 18 seats out of 40?? That's real democracy?? The current Prime Minister of Bahrain Sheikh Khaleefa Bin Salman has been in power since 43 years, yes you heard me right people 43 YEARS during this time 8 U.S Presidents have been changed during his time.

Now the Shia population of Bahrain started a peaceful protest to obtain real democracy and the removal of the prime minister, the protest as stated above was completely peaceful and to the extent that protesters gave roses to security guards, they have never carried any sort of weapons not even a stick with them as all the videos and photos clearly show and how the Bahraini government replied?? Read the following

1. Economy Collapse

Shia Community in Bahrain is not allowed to have suitable Jobs and is restricted in every way possible to take part in economic activities of the country. Especially they are not allowed in certain ministries like interior ministry, foreign ministry etc. So no Shia can join army or be a police officer.

2. Brutal Crackdowns

I am just uploading one video here so that people can get the general idea of what is happening in Bahrain

Disturbing?? Had enough??

Now multiply this by thousands because this is just one person, Bahraini government has called in support from all over which includes Saudi Arabia & Pakistan. They have made attacks on peaceful protesters, they have done brutal crackdowns at Shia homes after midnight till dawn. Sometimes even almost complete Villages were swiped in these crackdowns. They would go inside houses beat the family, beat women and children, rape them and sometimes even kill them. One public example is regarding the family of Salah Khawaja (human right activist), his house has been raided in the middle of the night, the men went in to the house started beating his wife, pulled her hair & beaten her up so badly that her ribs got broken.

Every night after 3 A.M these forces would run in Shia populated areas and ask for names anyone having a name which includes Ali, Jaffer, Raza, Hussain, Hassan e.t.c has to go through a very brutal process. They are either tortured and captured or killed at spot, because of these many Sunnis who had their names as such have also been brutally martyred or captured.

In one place this happened that many protesters made a plan to climb on their roof tops and give Azaan at 3 A.M to show their solidarity and unity through social networks. When that day came every person who came up on his roof top to gave Azaan was martyred by the snipers which were posted there by the government. They then marked those homes and then did brutal crackdowns on them.

Girls and boys are abducted from school and taken to police stations where they are beaten and tortured, hundreds of videos can be found on youtube

Bahraini government is hiring Pro-Wahabi forces from everywhere. Saudi Arabia a nation which would never send their army to help any Muslim nation such as Lebanon or Palestine but this time Saudi government send their forces and tanks to kill Muslims instead. Pakistani government has also sent many forces which are at the moment killing people there. Is this what humanity has come to? Are these Muslims? I leave this question for you to answer

3. No Hospitals For The Injured

Yes if you didn't understand from the header than understand it now. If those crackdowns, those beatings, those rapes are not bad enough then yes all the forces of Bahrain have surrounded all hospitals and has denied to help any injured and any hospital or medic that tries to help the injured is dealt with same severity as the protesters. They are severely beaten, captured and taken to jail.

This above picture shows on of the medic of Sulamaniya hospital who was trying to help the injured and what did the Bahraini forces do? They broke his neck, many doctors and medics have been released after a month of beating and torture of helping the injured.

In Bahrain even helping the injured is a crime?

Did our HOLY PROPHET (P.B.U.H) teach us this? He (P.B.U.H) taught us to be even very easy on our enemies and Bahraini government are killing and torturing Muslims and their own people?

Some western journalists have spoken about it like Chris Rock the New York Times journalist states,

“I was there with a friend of mine, & in the middle of the Manama, someone pointed a gun to my friend’s face. My friend showed his American passport & as soon as the personnel realized that the person with whom he is dealing with is an American citizen, the officer came to him & said we love Americans, we have no problem with you guys, we hate Shias & the way he was talking about shias, it was full of hatred & disgust as they are hunting down the rats.”

Now I ask EVERYONE and the Bahraini government

Is this democracy? Are you following Islam and the teachings of Islam?

4. What We Need To Do?

People don't know what is happening in Bahrain?

If you are a Shia reading this then spread the word because Shias are being killed there

If you are a Sunni reading this then spread the word because Sunnis are being killed there

If you are a Muslim reading this then spread the word because Muslims are being killed there

If you are not a Muslim but you are a human, spread this because this is not Human behavior and is against all human rights and humans are being killed there

As I said above retweet this on twitter, share this on Facebook, scrap it on Orkut, My space it, blog it, email it, text it. I don't care if you copy this blog and paste it and spread it by your name. Spread the word as ANY WAY as you can. If you read this and don't spread the word than all I can say is that you are not human.

All Pakistanis were very angry when Raymond Davis came to Pakistan and killed 3 Pakistanis now Imagine thousands of Raymond Davis have gone from Pakistan and Saudi Arabia and are killing the Bahraini residents.

You want any more material regarding this matter, you want to send email to higher authorities and have or want any email addresses or want to join me in this act of spreading the word than you can contact me on my email sohaibxtreme@gmail.com

WE NEED TO WAKE UP PEOPLE

WE NEED TO SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING

WE NEED TO RAISE OUR VOICE

WE NEED TO SAVE THOSE INNOCENT PEOPLE DEMANDING THEIR RIGHTS

WE NEED TO SAVE HUMANITY

WE NEED TO STOP THESE SAVAGE ANIMALS FROM RUINING THE NAME OF OUR HOLY RELIGION

IS THIS NOT TERRORISM?

THEN WHY DOESN'T AMERICA START A WAR AGAINST THIS?

PLEASE I BEG ALL OF YOU, READ IT AND FORWARD BY ANY WAY THAT YOU CAN

BEGGING YOU

SOHAIB

ENDING WITH PICS