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Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentine’s Day Pakistanis : Feat Bilal

Heyyyyyyyy Alllllllllllll

Today is the big day for which everyone was waiting for. All the red roses being sold all around the world, love cards being given to the ones you love, sending e-cards if your love lives far away, different and expensive gifts being bought for the ones you love, dates will be arranged all over the world in expensive restaurants, events will be organized regarding the big day in cafes, parks and restaurants, everything will be decorated in the color of love that is red, with hearts, roses, ribbons and glitter being the main ingredients. The day of love, the day of expressing your love to the guy/girl you have loved. You can finally ask him/her out. Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ITS VALENTINE’s DAY
I Can’t express my excitement in words so I will express my excitement in pictures I took of myself below. Here is to all of you celebrating this amazing day J

 I am trying to keep this as polite as possible but seriously you guys need to get a life. This blog I am writing today is ONLY and ONLY for Pakistanis. I don’t care what anybody else does but I need to deliver my message to the Pakistani youth. You people are celebrating Valentine’s Day? I won’t go into the long stupid history of who made this day and how it came into being because even to this day it is not sure that which of the myths related to this day are correct but it has been widely proclaimed as the day of love. Finally you can ask the guy/girl you have liked out, isn't a dream come true? A day just to do exactly what you wanted. 

NO THIS IS JUST PLAIN STUPID , I was just watching a show on television in which a girl was walking around with a mic in her hand asking girls and boys how they celebrate valentine's day and they all told how they take their girls and boys on dates and how they buy them gifts and they buy them whatever "THEY WANT" and if someone was sensible enough to say that Valentine's day is not a part of our culture and I don't celebrate then she used to get rude and tell them that they are stupid. I MEAN WHAT THE HELL?? 

You are trying to celebrate an event made by English people (not just U.K & America) and are trying to learn how to love from them, from whom?? Those who have places for dogs in their home but who and leave their parents inside an old person home? You are trying to learn how to love from people who don't even know the meaning of it. 

If you really want to learn how to love and celebrate love then celebrate Eid Milaad-Un-Nabi like the way you people celebrate Valentine's day to show your love for your Holy Prophet (P.B.U.H) , celebrate Mother's day , Father's day with as much enthusiasm as you celebrate Valentine's day. The youth now have thousands to spend on the people they met days, months or years (in special cases) ago A.K.A loved ones on valentines day buying gifts and going on dates but they don't have bloody "30" Rupees even to buy the people WHO RAISED THEM UP AND MADE THEM WHAT THEY ARE a simple card on mother's of father's day. If this is the kind of love you are learning from this day then please stop it. I live in a hostel room that is right in front of "Cafe Rock Bistro" and I can hear the "LOVE" in my room as well spreading throughout. CHEAP, DISGRACEFUL, EMBARRASSING. 

This is not a long rant because really nobody would give a damn to my blog. I could've named this blog to something against Valentine's day but I decided to name it as such because I at least wanted that those who are celebrating it can get the message by my pictures above. In the end I am just putting a picture of me and my friend who have seen that we are Forever Alone and we despise these stupid activities.

Me & Bilal

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Till Next Time
X Y'All

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Men: The Oppressed Souls

Heyyyyyyyyyyyy Alllllllllllll

I am back with yet another one of my shenanigans. In today’s world I have seen time and time again that males have been called the “bad” part for their behavior with the female species. I have seen that they have been blamed with titles such as “Sexists” and “Male Shovenist Pigs”. They have been called inhumane for the stuff they have done with the females and how they oppress the women of the society and get a better and higher place in the society. While us males have been taught to always say “Ladies first” the Ladies have taken it for granted and started a conspiracy against us. Today I am right here to protest against all those baseless ideas created by the female species of the world who are trying to turn this world against us. My blog this time will be about how the men are actually the ones being targeted by the other gender and the “third” gender too (more on that later). The picture below shows exactly my point


1.       SPEECH

First let’s start with the basics as a girl is allowed to speak in any way she wants. She can choose any pattern and style of speech and that is fine but a boy? OH NO NO NO. He has to be polite, well-mannered and gracious during his conversation. A simple example can be the word “CRAP” A girl can go ahead and say “CRAP” out loudly and all the word means is what? She is just trying to say “OH SHIT” in a “cooler” way but a boy gets frustrated and says the same and what happens? Girls all around cover their mouths and gasp “aaahh, did u hear what he just said? OOO EMMM GEEE”
Yes boys do abuse but the females have the boys soooo sure that we are the snoop dog of abusers. The females have us soooo scared of saying anything out of the absolute simplest vocabulary. Even if a guy just wants to say “What the Hell” and he just reaches “What the” and that’s it. People lose their minds, girls start throwing fits and the guy just stands there looking at himself and thinking what he did. Break out of this conspiracy the girls are just trying to take away our vocabulary while they are using the words more than us.

2.       TEACHERS

Not all teachers but there are some and I know some personally as well who would rather give a grade to a girl instead of giving it to one who deserves it. When a girl asks a question then she doesn’t understand and she has the right to ask again and again but if the boy asks a question then he might be asked to ask that question later and if he is lucky enough because the teacher is in a good mood and has his answer questioned then if he doesn’t understand then he is just simply an idiot for not getting it the first time. “Sexist” us?? THINK AGAIN

3.       SHOPPING

A woman goes shopping to buy JUST a nail polish remover and her bill
Nail polish                                           60
Perfume                                              1000
Shampoo                                            250
Etc Stuff                                              500
Total                                                  1810

A man goes shopping to buy a 500 Rs perfume but likes another and instead his bill comes out to be
Perfume                                              800
Total                                                   800

There you go my friends and that bill is simply not equal to a good perfume instead it is equal to a 1 hour long lecture by your wife/mother/sister or any other female friend on just how stupidly you spent all the money. She went to buy just a nail polish remover and bought everything else which goes into nothing except that she is buying stuff that will come into use. If you closely watch that bill again THERE IS NO NAIL POLISH REMOVER but a guy spends 300 Rs more than what he was supposed to and he is a stupid spender. SHEESH. We all know women and their shopping

4.       POONDI (GAZING)

Alright a boy looks at a girl and for this the boy is considered to be a jerk as he is looking at girl even for that matter that boy might be looking at that girl because she is about to fall down and was going to warn her or just as a “sister” BUT girls can look at boys all they want and nothing. They can look at boys, point at them, laughs at them, go up to them while they are out with friends in F7 and say “HI BILA….” Ohhh ermmmm I mean like that, you get the “general” idea :P and they can be as innocent as a fallen angel from 7th heaven but a guy looks at them is called a jerk, points at them is called something I can’t say in this blog because of point 1 above, laughs at them and he is called a stupid male pig and if he goes up to them when they are with friends OR even bump them around the area a couple of time that guy is called following and after that girl. REALLY??
Boys have been labeled as “Poonds” (Starting at other gender) in Pakistan because they look at girls (yes of course they do, some good and some bad) BUT WHY OH WHY are the girls not labeled if they are watching a guy? It is simple because they are the professionals and they ace in this art of Poondi and so clearly they are never caught but don’t hide from me girls. I have seen a lot looking from the corner of that eye. If a guy thinks Emma Watson is good looking then he is a “THARKI” (Learn Pakistani terms by now :P) but when girls do that? If I had a nickel for every time I heard “OH MY GOD ASHEERRRRRRR (the Hamsafar guy)” or “GABRIEL MACHT IS SOOOOOO HOTTTT” I would be wealthy enough to buy my own revolver and shoot some people (Edward Cullen not included because he is not a guy). Ladies this part also comes in watching guys.


I have a single question. Why do girls call some females as males and then start loving them over the extent. That just shows how much females just love themselves and not males actually. Everybody confused which females?? Let me list down
a)      Justin Bieber
b)      Edward Cullen a.k.a Robert Pattinson
c)       Sahir Lodhi
d)      Shaista Wahidi
e)      Maaya Khan
f)       Lady Gaga

No Females, NO NO NO. The above listed and many other people that you have sent into the male gender and started loving them are NOT males. TAKE THEM BACK

6.       WATCHING T.V

This category might come in the older woman but as time is proceeding the females are maturing early on trying to warn up their new ones early about the conspiracy they are running on the men. Most wives have problems with their husbands coming late from work and ask them daily to come early and if they come early and they want to watch some T.V to relax then the husbands hear the all famous dialogue “ALL DAY I WAIT FOR THIS ONE TV SHOW & U COME AT THAT TIME & RUIN IT” Does this fair any resemblance my elder married readers? And if this isn’t enough then if a guy wants to watch a LIVE match, let me repeat it LIVE match then the girls asks us that we can either watch it later on in highlights or see the result on internet. IT IS A LIVE MATCH FOR GOD’s SAKE and if we ask the same from girls to watch their drama on a re run then may LORD be with you.


I think the title says enough what I want to say. Although certain examples can be
MALE                                                                         FEMALE
Driving Bad à STUPID                                                 Driving Bad à COOL
Eating Rice with Hands à PIG                                       Eating Rice with Hands à Old-Fashioned
Snorts in Public à WRONG                                          Snorts in Public à Hygienic
Laughs loudly à WRONG                                             Laughs loudly à Very happy
Stays quiet a lot à RUDE                                              Stays quiet a lot à Humble
I think enough said :P

These are just some of the points that me and my other male friends INSTANTLY thought of and this just not ends here. This is how females are planning a conspiracy against the males. IT’S THE TIME TO RISE, REVOLT AGAINST ALL FEMALES

There might be a reply to this from the female side as well as one of my female friends wants to defend her side. Let’s see
All Males Who Are with Me & All the Females Who Hate Me Now

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Till Next Time
X Y’All